At my July 24 knowledge meeting & group meditation, the subject was relationships... one of the Vedic Meditators followed up and sent me an email asking for clarification. Relationships are such an important part of our lives that I thought I'd share the exchange and invite feedback. (I cut the introductory discussion from the student in order to protect identity and specifics.) Basically, he had a question about the "distinction between attachment and letting go of "needs from the other person".
"Its just difficult for me to understand because I always thought that there are natural needs and expectations in relationships.
Take a married couple for example. They are married and in love. There seems to be some commitment to the partnership in that they each count on each other in order to have a shared life together.
Now if "person A" leaves the relationship by just saying "I'm no longer satisfied in this marriage" or "I'm seeing someone else" or whatever, than "Person B" is supposed to just be alright with that?"
My response:
We are all evolving toward not expecting another person to fulfill our "needs". We are fulfillment. We bring that fulfillment to the relationship. If you come to a relationship expecting the other to complete you or satisfy a need, you will invariably be disappointed. It is why relationships end.
The beauty of this is that if both people come to the relationship understanding they are fulfillment in their own right, by definition there is no reason either one would no longer "be satisfied" by the other. The reason people leave relationships is one of two reasons: 1. Person A thinks that Person B is responsible for fulfilling their needs and that doesn't get done and they leave seeking yet "another" to satisfy their needs; or 2. Person B feels the weight of Person A's neediness and understands they can't possibly satisfy that need and leave. There are variations on this theme but essentially, that's the nut.
As humans, we're never just "okay" with loss but if someone leaves you, then look at self before putting all blame on "other". Chances are the neediness factor was high on one of the sides.
Finally, people commit because the relationship becomes a third entity that is greater than the sum of the two. If it is not, it often doesn't last. Commitment to something greater than oneself is not a lock and key, it is the road to freedom.
