Thursday, March 1, 2012

Histories


12 years ago today I came home from work to find a body in my back bathroom. It was the man I was living with at the time. It was also the day before his 32nd birthday. The death was an accident of sorts and a suicide of sorts - the official cause was ethanol poisoning (alcohol).

That day was a turning point for me and my evolutionary understanding that I was something larger than this small "s" self.  When you hold a dead body against yours, you understand in an instant that this is not all we are.  We are not the stories we tell ourselves.  I could tell you my age, my sex, my occupation, my marital status, and even this particular episode in my life as a way of explaining who I am, but it would only tell you how I am different, separate, from you. 

But I am not separate from you. I am the same perceiving consciousness that you are.

In that moment of holding my friend in my arms, I knew that he was not his body - nor was I.  

Nor am I my thoughts and memories of loss.  I am simply and incredibly, perception - this moment - Now.

We are meant to let go of limiting stories that keep us in regret about the past.  I think of him this morning with love and gratitude and make my tea, have some breakfast and dress for a walk in the hills. We are meant to experience love. We are meant to perceive the joy in this moment.